Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
