remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
