I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
