I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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