youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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