it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
