there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
