...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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