If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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