I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
