Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
