Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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