didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
