it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
