When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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