My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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