i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
