ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
