How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
