i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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