My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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