FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
