when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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