If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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