And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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