i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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