Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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