I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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