when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
