I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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