if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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