We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
