A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
