i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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