I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Terrible idea I love it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
