why didn't you poke me back
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
