The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
