I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dick very happy bro
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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