i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
