I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
