Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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