I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
