Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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