no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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