grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
