Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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