I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
