ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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