i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
