great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
